Joyce Lye was angry with God. Why did her husband die so unexpectedly? He was only 33 when their car skidded and crashed in Holland Road. Joyce was in a coma and she revived, filled with bitterness and self-pity. She was rude to her friends and even unkind to her two daughters, at that time only 3 years and 14 months old.

“When I got out of the coma I was shocked and frightened and wondered what the future would be like for my girls and for me,” she recalls. After 10 months of anguish, a Bible passage struck her: “The widow who is really in need and left all alone puts her hope in God and continues night and day to pray and ask God for help.” It was then 1985 and she became a Christian with renewed hope.

“Then at one prayer meeting, the words ‘A widow among widows’ flashed before me,” Joyce recalls. “But I wanted to remarry and my children were so young.” So, she forgot the message, closed down her floral business and become an insurance agent. Today, Joyce is an Executive Prudential Adviser and she has been with the company for 18 years.

“Somehow, God would not be ignored. It just happened that no matter what I did, widows kept crossing my path.” And, naturally, Joyce consoled and counseled them. Her career at Prudential also strengthened her. “I found tremendous inspiration and motivation from Prudential’s training programes that reinforced the importance of having a vision and hope,” she adds.

Joan Swee, a corporate trainer and Honorary Secretary of Wicare, reveals:”“I met Joyce after I was widowed for over a year. She was an oasis for me. She was struggling… juggling between bringing the bacon home and making time for her teenage daughters. Yet, she gave hours and hours of listening to bereaved widows who needed someone to understand their pain.”

Joyce’s informal gatherings with other widows led to the forming of Wicare Support Group in 1994 to support widows and the fatherless. One of its core programs is the two-day residential Grief Recovery Workshop.

“There are many emotional issues that need to be worked through and released,” explains Joyce. “Often, there are specially difficult cases like wives whose husbands had committed suicide. Or wives who get a big shock – finding out their husband had cheated them all these years – when a ‘second family’ turns up at the funeral.”

Wicare was fortunate to have the support of Mr Anthony Yeo, Consultant Therapist of Counselling & Care Centre, who provided the help of family therapists. Today, Joyce and two of Wicare’s committee members are trained to do the Grief Recovery Therapy themselves.

“The wounds of widowhood are not easily seen with the eyes because the process of grief is expressed within the heart and soul. Others who are not widows can misread us. It takes a widow to fully understand a widow,” explains Joyce.

Wicare has benefited from the help of many people including Dr Teo Ho Pin, Mayor of Northwest CDC, who found premises for them at Block 3 in Ghim Moh Housing Board Estate. Now, Wicare has relocated at its new 1,000-square feet premises at Bishan Office Tower, thanks to the National Council for Social Services. The office is managed by two full time staff, who are also widows.

Monday, May 31, 2010 at 8:24 AM